A Treatise on the Nature of Poles and Harvey Wallbangers

A Long Island fire department that serves a population of about 20,000 people spent $41,000 on its annual dinner at a well-known Long Island catering establishment. You heard me right - forty one thousand dollars (and no sense). That means that every human being in that fire district - including infants - basically kicked in about two bucks each to throw that shindig.

A rough head count from the pictures posted on the department's web site shows three companies, each with roughly 35 members. Then there's EMS, which we can assume is likely somewhere in the range of 15-20 members. Lets toss in a couple of dozen administrative and honorary types, let everyone bring a date, and we arrive at a total of 350 people that might have been at the annual dinner.

Divide $41,000 by 350 people. You get roughly $117 per person. My sister is getting married in November. Her cost per person, including a full meal with dessert, a full cocktail hour, and an open bar, is about $85 per person. That's at a pretty nice place, too. $117 per person vs. $85 per person. All taxpayer dollars. You do the math. Next year I suggest that fire department call my sister and have her plan the party.

Wait. I forgot something. Newsday has written about proposed state legistlation that would limit the ability of a fire district to spend taxpayer dollars on alcohol (booze, liquor, firewater - you get the idea). I know that if my Sister eliminates the open bar at her wedding and goes with unlimited beer, wine and soda instead, the tab drops down to about $65 per person.

Now we're cooking with gas! In five short paragraphs we've taken the cost of the annual fire department dinner from $117 per person to $65 per person. With almost no effort, we've managed to save the people of that particular fire district a whopping $18,200. Its a damn fire sale. 44% off all annual installation dinners!

That $18,200 savings puts just under a dollar back in the pockets of every soul - including infants - in the district. I know a dollar doesn't really get you anything these days, but since New York State law pretty much gives fire districts free run of the taxpayers' checkbooks, I think we'd all agree that having a cold beer instead of a Harvey Wallbanger, and kicking back a buck isn't much to ask.

What should the people of the fire district do with those 18,200 dollar bills? Gather in the center of town, pile them all up, and make a big-ass bonfire. So big, that there will be no choice but to call the fire department to put it out. With a little scheduling savvy, that bonfire might just happen to coincide with the department's annual dinner. That'd be a shame, wouldn't it?

I'd wager $117 that the following year the annual dinner would be burgers and dogs in the chief's back yard. Doesn't matter, though. Curiously, the department would spend $41,000 on a new fire pole. The new pole would be delivered to the department at a gathering of 350 people ...

at the bar ...

in the well-known Long Island catering establishment ...

on a Saturday night.