Here's a useful guideline for you

As a general rule of thumb in my life, I try not to spend $85 billion on any one item. So far this little nugget of wisdom has served me well.

Sadly, nobody in a position of authority in the US government called me to ask about this. So, the American taxpayers are now collectively on the hook for up to $85 billion to save AIG - the world's largest insurance company.

I'm no Wall Street wizard, but AIG has historically been a very solid company that nobody ever heard of. I guess at some point being immensely profitable and becoming the world's largest insurer with assets of over $1 trillion just isn't enough, so AIG management decided that it would fun to get involved in very risky endeavors like securities backed by sub-prime mortgages. While questionable loans don't strike me as the cornerstone of a strong business plan, turns out the dudes running AIG thought it was a great idea. Naturally, they were DEAD WRONG. I'm pretty sure that any 8th grader could have told them that, but I can only assume that they viewed themselves and AIG as being invincible. When you're invincible, you can do horrifically risky and stupid things without fear of negative consequences. That's so darn convenient, isn't it?

As part of the deal in which we all collectively guarantee that AIG is good for an $85 billion loan, the federal government gets an 80% stake in AIG, gets to veto the payment of dividends to AIG stockholders. I also read that the company's management will be replaced. What I really want to know is what happens to those guys. Do they just carry their stuff out the front door in empty copy paper boxes? Probably not. I'm pretty sure by this time tomorrow the sidewalk in front of AIG headquarters will be littered with shiny golden parachutes left behind by AIG execs who leave the company far wealthier than they were when they arrived there.

So if I have this right, the goal is to find the biggest company you can get your hooks into, run it into the ground, and get paid millions to do it. I'm game. Where do I sign up?